Neal Poole, brother of Natasha (Ch, 2007), passed away in 2023, aged 32. The following tributes have been written by Neal’s mother Anita, sister Natasha, and some of his closest friends.

It is with sadness that I write this obituary tribute for my dear, wonderful son Neal. He passed away suddenly and tragically in Australia, at the end of 2023, at only 32 years. The loss of Neal has been devastating for his family and friends.

Neal is remembered affectionately and uniquely. He was a warm, fun, smiling, bright, sensitive child. He grew to become a hardworking, goal orientated, caring, handsome, exceptionally good, independent man, with a maturity and wisdom beyond his years. 

Popular, dyslexic and very intelligent in a quiet, calm, perceptive way, Neal went on to fulfil his goal of independence and serving three years in the New Zealand Army. He then for several years worked as a qualified chef in the high-pressure Australian LNG [liquified natural gas] industry, organising and cooking high quality meals for thousands in a relatively small team. He also worked in restaurants, functions and a company producing quality packaged foods for retail, including managing staff from disadvantaged backgrounds. At Christmas he sometimes volunteered to cook for charities and gave generously.

Neal learned economics himself and taught himself to be financially astute, working towards a goal of his dream home. Despite many significant challenges – including trauma from an abusive girlfriend, a work injury that left him with a painful chronic illness, encroaching toxic neighbours, and extreme isolation during Australia’s strict Covid lockdowns – Neal renovated his home in the scenic Australian Hinterland mountain rainforest and overcame these stresses.

It's heartbreaking that we lost Neal at the end, alone, unwell and injured. Though his life was cut short, he squeezed into his 32 years all that was possible and more. I’m incredibly proud of my son’s character, integrity, ethics, achievements and calm, strong demeanour. Neal was non-judgmentally spiritual, a deep thinker, and was highly thought of in the workplace and by his family and friends. He loved nature, goodness, the environment and all that is pure and Godly. We only need think of his fearless, adventurous, compassionate, progressive spirit and he is with us in our heart, soul and mind with his gorgeous Elvis-like smile.

‘Grief is the price we pay for love.’ Neal is greatly loved by many and sorely missed. Peace be with you, Neal, whom I’m privileged to have as my cherished son.

Your loving mother,

Anita / Mum

Neal was a carefree individual for most of his life and never the type to look for conflict. Sadly, like too many young people these days, he chose to take his own life. Hopefully, we can continue to prevent suicide and self-harm through social organisations, sport and encouraging people to speak to those they trust about awful experiences, if they wish to. Our family and Neal’s friends miss him dearly. 

Natasha

The following are excerpts from condolences and tributes from some of Neal’s closest friends – Max and Tom in the UK, and Raf and Jenine in Australia (with whom Neal worked and shared a house, before he drove across the Outback to his new home in the mountains).

Max:

On reflecting on my years side by side with your wonderful son, I have only the best of memories. I feel that we grew up together, joined at the hip in our school days and holidays. Neal demonstrated and represented the spirit of individuality and morality. There will always be choices presented to children, teenagers and adults that leave them with difficult decisions. The temptation to fit in, to be cool, or to ignore your compass and steer off course.

Neal never seemed to reach these moral paradoxes. He was simply Neal; he never tried to be someone he wasn’t. He was cool because of this and I looked up to him.

Years later, meeting on one of Neal's London trips, I was so impressed with his sense of self. He was calm, confident and clearly strong. Neal is kind, gentle and brave. The world will miss this great man. We are all richer for knowing him and poorer for losing him.

Tom:

Neal was a popular young man, albeit not overtly friendly with everyone. You felt honoured if Neal considered you a friend! His self-belief is something I’ve always tried to put into practice. Be true to yourself and follow your path no matter what, and Neal certainly led from the front. I always thought it was ironic, given he didn’t follow orders at school, that he joined the Army!

I remember his ice cool demeanour and grin when we met on his trips back to the UK. Friends commented what a top bloke Neal was and how easy they felt around him and he with them. Sadly, after being so strong and fun loving, during Covid Neal seemed to be trapped by Australia’s isolation rules. With all the other issues going on in his last years and physical illnesses, it’s easy to see how disillusioned he became with life and this unsettled world. 

The loss of Neal is tragic. All that we can do now is continue to remember Neal, his impact on us, and the laughs we had along the way. Follow your instincts and enjoy the ride wherever it takes you, with a cheeky grin for good measure! Neal was built different – a maverick, one of a kind. You will always be remembered, Neal. Much love to you, my friend.

Raf & Jenine:

Neal was the kindest and most honest and humble person we’ve ever met. We always enjoyed our conversations. He will be forever remembered in our hearts and in our family. He was part of our wedding and our first son’s baptism. I will never forget my time working alongside him, the stories we shared and the plans we had for our futures. He was the best housemate we could’ve asked for and a great friend. Our deepest condolences.

Postscript by Anita, Neal's mother:

Neal was an optimistic, buoyant, strong, responsible boy and young man, who achieved a lot and was highly regarded. Yet we lost him swiftly by expertly executed, sudden suicide at the end, after he dealt with so many challenges and traumas alone, having moved over 2000 miles in Australia to his dream home he'd worked so hard to purchase at a young age. And we lost him even though he had no history of mental health issues.

Neal and I were a close mother and son. We spoke often and understood each other respectfully. He talked openly with me, sharing both his challenges and his plans. We would brainstorm when he wanted, and he would decide on his action points and move forward. I was shocked by his sudden suicide after he had successfully handled so much. It shows how quickly a fatal, altered mental state can happen—even when a young man is strong and purposeful, but finds himself alone on the other side of the world. He had moved far away from friends to his ideal new home to further build his future, only to face unfortunate, extreme traumas away from his family.

Since Neal's tragic passing, we have learned the following ... Men are about three times more likely to die by suicide than women (including in the UK and Australia). Suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 35 years in the UK and men under 44 years in Australia. It is also a leading / second leading cause of death in young men in other countries including Canada,  New Zealand, South Korea, Japan, parts of Western and Eastern Europe, and the USA (second only closely after drug overdose, firearm & vehicle deaths).

Since 2010, the suicide rate for young men aged 25 to 34 has increased by approximately 30%. Studies show that approximately 60% of men who die by suicide have no known mental health condition on record. They are less likely to seek professional medical help before reaching a crisis point. Young men in this age group are very susceptible to acute situational stressors. These include relationship breakdowns, interpersonal arguments, financial strain, and legal or employment factors.

Globally, men are more likely to use highly lethal, irreversible methods during an acute mental health crisis. International cultural standards regarding masculinity often prevent young men from vocalising emotional distress. Stiff upper lip and stoic self reliance can only go so far. But after extreme traumas and stresses, mental health crisis needs expert care, especially in young vulnerable people, who may not have insight during the sudden crisis. 

While suicide dominates mortality statistics for young men across high-income economies, it is displaced as a leading cause of death in developing low-income nations and regions experiencing acute socio-political or public health crises (including by infectious diseases, conflict, violence mortality and transport injuries). However, it is still significantly present even in those countries. Social, religious and other stigma may lead to under reporting statistics and less awareness.

Across almost all developed countries, the pattern remains similar: because young men rarely die from terminal physical illness, external factors like injuries, accidents and suicide represent the vast majority of young adult mortality.

By being aware of statistics and support, as Natasha has highlighted, hopefully we can try to avoid young people taking their lives in future. In cases of suicide, science has found the brain / neural networks suddenly don't function normally and are overwhelmed. So the person takes their life in a severely altered mental state, which can happen very fast. If alone and without insight, this can be fatal. 

I hope this knowledge can help prevent this happening to someone you know.

Blessings to our dear wonderful son / brother / friend, Neal, and to all of you readers. Peace be with you.